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Cook subjected to a Performance Appraisal by employers, goes back to Nepal in Despair

Bahadur Singh Thapa during the Appraisal and After.

Bangalore. Bahadur Singh Thapa, a Non Resident Nepali have thrown in the towel and gone back to Nepal leaving behind a lucrative and high paying job of cooking for Software engineers here in the IT capital of India- Bangalore.

The two perpetrators of the crime, the employers of Thapa, Satinder Pal Singh Bains and Devinder Kumar Bose who are both IT engineers, were nonchalant about the whole issue but did express a bit of a disappointment at the turn of events.

“It was a brilliant idea and might I add, a fare one at that, where the cook, the appraisee would be first given an opportunity to rate his own performance with a standard rating parameters D,C,B,A which stood for Partially met expectation, Met Expectation, Exceeded Expectation and ‘ Oh, My God! You should work in a Michelin Star Restaurant’ and then we as the Appraisers would give him a feedback and a relative rating.” said Satinder.

“Another analogy could be with say a skirt. Like Knee length for D, a Mini for C, a Micro Mini for B and then a 'Oh, My God, don’t bend, Mini' for an A” said Devinder with a chuckle. At this point we are pretty sure our reporter rolled his eyes and let out a muffled "Desperate" cough.

But this didn’t stop Satinder Pal, who recently got promoted to a Managers role and have designed the whole Cook rating process, from going into a monologue of how the whole system is supposed to work,

” Let me break it down for you. In order to have a fare assessment of Thapa, or “resource” as we lovingly called him, The Cook was evaluated on various parameters like

Schedule Adherence: In this parameter it was determined whether the Chapati he delivered were Pan hot by the time they reached our plate or if the dinner was cooked within the 7 minutes we allocated him.

Taste Injection Ratio: Calculated as –

(Number of Certified Tasty Lunches+Dinners/ Total number of Lunches+Dinners) *100.

The target was set at a modest 83 but Thapa stood at a lowly 76 but we still gave him a Mini Skirt.

Contribution to Knowledge Management: The idea of this parameter was to determine how much have Thapa been contributing to the pool of knowledge we have maintained as sticky notes on our fridge. The idea is that we would finally achieve a state where any given day any other “resource” can step into his shoes and know where the chillies are, on which shelves are the garam masalas and eggs located, where to get the groceries, what snacks we like with our Friday night scotch, you know, the works. But it turned out Thapa wasn’t very keen on these processes and got a C."

“He deserved a ghagra for this one. You know our new resource, Daleep is still getting his KT 15 days later and can’t tell MDH Garam Masala powder from MTR Kitchen King” interrupted Devinder frowning. But Satinder went on,

"Innovation or value add to Sabji/Dal: Any recognition; awards; End user testimonials which Thapa got none and hence a Ghagra.

Contribution to re-use : effort saved because of re-use: Thapa really scored high on this one since he really liked dishing up last night’s left overs as the next days breakfast. I suppose it saved him on the time and effort and saved us, the money. A win win in these recession prone times. He got a well deserved A for this one.

Initiatives and process compliance: Thapa sucked on both the parameters, since neither did he came up with any new dishes like Chicken Tandori Pasta nor did he follow any laid down processes effectively earning him a Ghagra again.

Certification planned and completed: Thapa never gave any 'Papu Da Vaishnu Dhabha' certified certification in either the current or the last cycle, leaving him not qualified for a CRR1+ i.e the top most Cook Relative Ratio, the performance measurement parameter based upon which we were going to give him a raise in his already significant pay.

Aspirations with respect to career direction : This one was the key points of discourse which didn’t go down too well. You see, Thapa wanted an Onsite opportunity, where he would be cooking for some hot shot IT manager living in some upmarket area of Kormangala, while we still paid for his dues here in BTM. He also wanted a better pay, for God’s sake!! Nothing doing, we said. Thats when he went all ape shit. He didn’t even give us an opportunity to rate him.” Satinder Finally, and I mean Finally, concluded.

“I don’t know what happened. We were trying to be all fare and shit and giving him some motivational examples of some earlier “resources” before him when he suddenly went nuts and took out his Kukri. He then started tearing down everything in his path and running like Forest Gump to, what we have heard, all the way to Nepal thus ruining our Friday night since he hadn't yet cooked our cursory Snacks. We had to munch on Haldiram to swallow our JD, for God's Sake!!” said Devinder.

“Though the upside to the whole event is that the attrition rate for the cooks in our household is still close to only 39% which is like way better than the company we both work for” Satinder signed off.

Breaking News: Chuck Noris to Direct '3 Gundas' starring Mithun Chakraborty, Sunny Deol and RajiniKanth

World War 3

Chennai. Here's a news that would send the millions of fans of Mithun, Sunny Deol and Rajinikanth into frenzy.Chuck Noris has announced in a press confrence here in Chennai that he'll direct the 3 times National award winner Mithunda, 2 times National award Winner Sunny Deol and Padma Bhushan Shri Shri Rajinikanth in an epic tale of 3 honest men who become the target of a vicious gang lord, after inadvertently interfering in a mission leading to a cycle of retributive violence.The movie is supposed to be a sequel to the 1998's sleeper hit, the cult classic 'Gunda' starring Mithunda in his Earth Shattering Avatar as 'Shankar' and would be released in 3D. While characters like 'Lambu Atta', 'Ibu Hatela', 'Pote' and 'Bulla' would obviously be missed by the fans, there is still reason to rejoice since it has been confimed that Shakti Kapoor would reprise his role as 'Chuttiya' along with the obvious selection of Prabhuji as the airport coolie 'Shankar'.Though the characters of Sunny Deol and Rajinikanth have been kept under the wraps for the time being but this reporter is pretty sure they are gonna be equally Kick Ass.The distribution rights for the movie have already been sold in Chennai, Kolkata, Punjab and Japan territory for a record breaking 1 Billion USD forcing James Cameron to push the release date of his much awaited Avatar-2 by 2 years.It is reported that the some 13 people went blind at the press conference from the amount of sheer Awesomeness at one place. The other guests present at the press confrence were Kungfu Panda- Po, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Barney Stintson, Terminator T-1000 and Fucking Rambo. Jack Bauer was seen camping at the site 24 hours before the scheduled time, trying to catch a glimse of Thalaivaar. Our Geeky Patrakar caught up with him, looking visibly excited,"Thalaivaar have always been my inspiration. The things I achieve in 24 hours he does in 24 milliseconds." said Bauer. Quentin Tarantino, who was earlier rumored to replace the legendary 'Kanti Shah' as the director was also present at the gala event looking visibly relieved and in awe of all the Legends present at the event, "Sure! I wanted to be at the helms but the more I thought about it, the more nervous I became. I mean just think about it, Rajini, Sunny Bhaji and Prabhuji all in the same frame!!! That itself would throw the Earth off its orbit. Thats beyond me, only someone as Epic as Chuck Noris could have handled it. Besides my trademark Mexican Standoff wouldn't go down too well with Thalaivaar's fan. You don't point a gun at Rajini and live to tell the tale. That simply doesn't happen."Sunny Deol who is riding high on the success of his latest- YPD was also very excited about the whole arrangement and promised that he would Yell like he has never Yelled before so as to not leave his fans(?) disappointed, especially considering the presence of other show stealing stalwarts.Chuck Norris, on the other hand promised that he would add his own personal touch to the movie and that there would be atleast one 'Whistle Worthy' scene involving RajiniKanth, Sunny, Prabhuji, nihontō (a kind of Japanese Sword) and Chun Kuk Do.Mithunda on his part promised that Mimoh won't be part of the project in any way whatsoever.Thalaivaar though had the last words when he said, " திஸ் இஸ் கோயன் டு பே லேகேண்டரி ".Outside the Press conference, fans of the 3 stars were seen offerring baths to the huge cutouts of the 3 stars with Rôshogolla Juice, Whisky and Milk respectively.The movie is supposed to release on 21st Dec 2012, the end of Mayan Calendar and world as we know it. This reporter feels like calling his Mom now. Mummmmmyyyyyy.....

time and again

time and again
i think of those times
time and again
i get lost in thoughts
times that were
and the time that was
friends and foes
squabbles and blows
endless possibilities,
to limited choices

Mathematics and Mysticism

ok so i have been spending a fairly long time on the net and thus came across this great unsolved mathematical mystery.!!!well thats wat they say!!
which is the smallest number greater than zero?
unsolved heh?ok so lets give it a shot!There is no "smallest number greater than 0". This is not only because Mathematicians are self-centred egotists, or even because maths profs are Mathematicians who wish only to flunk their students. Mathematics believes in doing well-defined things (ONLY). It's practically the science of well-defined things. Having a smallest positive number would break this. For suppose such a number x existed. Then we know x > 0, so x > x/2 > 0, which is a contradiction (x/2 is now smaller positive number!duh!!).
So no such thing exists. And you cannot meaningfully "define" something to be this nothing. There is no number 1/infinity, no number 1/aleph0, no number 1/ω, and no number 0.00...001 (where there are "infinitely many" 0's between the decimal point and the 1). None of them make sense, none of them are defined, and all of them are even more nonsensical than the idea of a smallest positive number x as above. And don't get me started on 0.99999...; it really does equal 1 (and no, 1-0.999... is not the "smallest number greater than 0").
Grow up; deal with it; there are bigger things to worry about.

PS-
-hey, what's the smallest number greater than zero?
>think of a number greater than zero.
-is this like a magic trick?
>in a way, yes.cool!
-i like magic tricks! alright, got one!
>halve it
-uhuh
>halve it again
-yup
>halve it again
-ok...

*** several minutes later ***
>halve it again
-um, how long is this going to take?

*** several hours later ***
>halve it again
-are you following me?!?!??!

*** several weeks later ***
>halve it again
-please! i can't take it anymore! can't we just call it quits and round it down to zero?!?!?!
>certainly not! halve it again...
-arghhhhhhh!!!!!!

IN THE SHADOWS

RASMUS-"IN THE SHADOWS" One of my all time favourite song and lyrics

No sleep No sleep untill I am done with finding the answer
Wont stop Wont stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes I feel I going down and so disconnected
Somehow I know that I am haunted to be wanted
I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
In the shadows
In the shadows
They say
That i must learn to kill before i can feel safe
But I, I rather kill myself then turn into there slave
Sometimes I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow I just don't wanne stay and wait for a wonder
I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
Lately I been walking walking in circles,
watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me feel me, come take me higher
I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
I been watching
I been waiting
I been searching
I been living for tomorrows
In the shadows
In the shadows I been waiting

chupke chupke

roughly translated-"secretly secretly". ya i know the repetition kills the punch but cant help it, thats what hrishikesh mukherjee thought would be suitable name for his hilarious nd sweet(ya thats right sweet) movie. Before you start judging my tastes for movie let me clarify that i am not much into hindi movies( quite frankly i cant stand most of them)as a matter of fact i have seen most of the top 150 hollywood movies of all time listed on imdb.com but there are a few hindi flicks which stands out!!vaastav,ab tak chappan,black friday,ddlj,munnabhai are among those that i thoroughly enjoyed.Among the oldies chupke chupke along with golmaal are my all time favourites.Theres something so sublime and simple about these movie that one is left in awe of the director and the actor's immence talent.More on others later cause this one's about chupke chupke.

lets see now where do i start,I always enjoy coming across an Indian comedy that doesn't rely on the slapstick and shouting that tends to characterize the genre and that isn't really to my taste. Chupke chupke is a funny, cute comedy that works because of a wacky script, the natural direction of Hrishikesh Mukherjee, and, most of all, because of the engaging and adorable charm of its leads.
Parimal (Dharmendra) and Sulekha (Sharmila Tagore) meet on a hill station holiday in which Parimal, a professor of botany, impersonates hill station's caretaker in order to give the real caretaker a few days off. Parimal and Sulekha fall in love and marry - they are joyful and playful in marriage, but Parimal finds himself half-pretend jealous of Sulekha's brother-in-law Raghav (Om Prakash), whom she idolizes. So Parimal hatches a scheme - with Sulekha's full cooperation - to play a practical joke on Raghav, whom he hasn't yet met. He poses as a driver and gets himself hired to work in Raghav's household. Then Sulekha comes for an extended visit - ostensibly while her husband is away on business - and together they fool Raghav into thinking that they are having an illicit affair. Parimal has a couple of friends who are in on the joke - Prashant (Asrani), a Bombay businessman, and his colleague Sukumar (Amitabh Bachchan), a professor of English. Wacky hijinks ensue - Sukumar turns up impersonating the real Parimal, and falls in love with Prashant's sister Vasudha (Jaya Bhaduri). It's a massive prank for the ages.
It's a totally stupid plot, and that's part of what makes it so funny - the other part is the utter good-enough-to-eat cuteness of the characters. Dharmendra and Sharmila, as Parimal and Sulekha, have a delightful tenderness and mischief that just bursts out of the screen every time they give one another a naughty look. It's clear that they have fun with the pretense,all the indiscreet sneaking around turns them on, so making their hosts think they are having a reckless and improper affair is easy. Parimal sneaks into Sulekha's bedroom nightly, once "accidentally" leaving his monogrammed hanky outside her door where Raghav will find it. And they gallivant openly in front of their hosts' five-year-old daughter, knowing that the little girl will tattle on them. The film is full of cute moments like that - the best of them is the song "Ab ke sajna sawaan mein," in which Sulekha sings a passionate song of longing to Parimal while Raghav looks on, vibrating as though he is about to pop a gasket.

Amitabh is also wonderful as the nerdy, shy intellectual Sukumar. I love Amitabh's trademark angry young man persona, but even more than that I love his early roles where he gets to really show his range in a role that is different. Chupke chupke is one such - Sukumar is bumbling and bookish and not at all comfortable with the charade he's taking part in (unlike Parimal and Sulekha, who lie through their teeth with natural ease), and he's simply adorable.
Adding to the comic absurdity of the whole situation, Raghav wants a driver who speaks perfect shuddh Hindi (why is not entirely clear - perhaps to protect his young daughter from the rough tapori spoken by the laborers available to him in Bombay) and the erudite Parimal, in his charade, is more than happy to oblige, offering language so pure and high-tone that others in the household can't always understand him - he takes Raghav's desire for pure language and throws it back in his face, with hysterical results. Dharmendra completely stands out in his performance plus his greek god looks would put all the john abrahams of today to shame.

As enjoyable as it is, Chupke chupke isn't perfect. The songs are fine, but they lack the wacky energy of the most sparkling portions of the film. Moreover, there are a couple of spots where the pacing is off - the opening scenes at the hill station could have been expanded to show more of Parimal and Sulekha's nascent romance, while other parts drag with needless exposition. But when it fires on all cylinders, Chupke chupke shines - the weak parts are only so-so, but the good parts simply outstanding.